Chemo sucks, but it’s also pretty much my bff. I kind of feel about chemo like I did about my mom when I was fourteen. I want to slam my bedroom door in its face. I want to blame everything that’s wrong in my life on it. It’s totally not cool, and it definitely embarrasses me (Oh hey, adult acne!). Buuuuut, I actually know that I can’t live without it. It really does have my back, and I’m certainly glad it’s there. Just, you know, don’t tell it that for another five or ten years.
You guys, I made it through my first treatment. You don’t want to hear all of my moanings and groanings. I’ll just tell you that it wasn’t as bad as I thought it might be. (I’m actually pretty nervous to publish that last sentence since I have five more rounds and the effects of chemo are cumulative, but it’s true…for now.) I was down for about a week with a couple of bad days and one day that had me very worried about what the next day might be like. Now, two weeks later, I almost feel normal. I’ll go again next Monday for another swift kick.
Can we talk about some lifestyle changes that I have (and am still trying) to make? More specifically, my deodorant situation. (I know you guys have always wanted to go down this road with me.) You see, I have switched to an all natural, non-toxic deodorant because antiperspirants are as shady as my junior year prom date’s intentions.* More specifically, the aluminum and other nasties in antiperspirants have been linked to cancer and alzheimer’s, among other things. Here’s my dilemma: I stink. As I was tucking Penny in the other night, she said, “Mom, you need to take a shower. You stink!”
“I do? What do I smell like?”
She scrunched up her nose, thought for a moment, and replied, “Like old crusty dirt.”
I laughed for a minute straight, but I mean, come on! It’s one thing to have my three year-old think I stink, but I can’t live my life like this. I’m way too pretty to stink. (I hope you know I’m just kidding. Kind of.) And I can’t even slather on some pretty smelling lotion because those are toxic too. I guess what I’m getting at is twofold. 1) Do any of you guys know of a non-toxic deodorant that won’t have my daughter heckling me at bedtime? I’m using primal pit paste. 2) If you notice my stink, I am so, so, so sorry; I am currently trying to decide between living a long life and having friends.
It’s funny because, before all of this, I thought we were a pretty healthy household. We ate our fruits and veggies and whole wheats and drank mostly water. We played outside every day. Ugh. Other changes underway: juicing, much less meat and dairy, organic everything, non-toxic everything, not a single diet coke since my diagnosis.
I had another realization this week. I guess I have been noticing this slowly, but I am turning into my mother! Gah. With each slightly inappropriate joke I tell, I feel it. Every time I laugh at my kids before correcting them, I know it. She used to embarrass me so much, and, at a time, I thought that she didn’t have much self-awareness…but there I was…at a family event…sitting between my brother and my 82 year-old grandpa…talking about how I don’t have a second base anymore and joking that Josh just gets to go straight to third. Oh man. Who does that? My mom. And now me. I miss her.
My cousins told me that I couldn’t start a blog and then not have time for it. So there. I hope my random brain dumps suffice for now. You see, my daughters don’t care if I have cancer or if I’m down because of chemo. They still demand that I get my mom on. I’m off to make dinner now.
*Just kidding, Jeff. You were and have always been nothing but a gentleman.